Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I Have Officially Lived in a Horror Movie

Have you seen Jeepers Creepers 2? No? That's alright, it isn't like you are missing out on A Clockwork Orange, but if you have seen it you will better understand what my day today was like.

Jeepers Creepers 2 is a story of a high school athletic team (I believe basketball, but maybe football) whose bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere, USA. Soon after their bus breaks down, they discover they are being hunted by a batwinged and undead scarecrowesque demon. It's fun stuff, if silly, and very Manly Wade Wellman-like, not as Wellman-like as Pumpkinhead but pretty Wellman-like.

Anyway, that's what happened to me today. As a part of my job I have organized a trip for 40+ high school students to travel from Los Angeles (actually Rosemead, Alhambra, San Gabriel, and Monterey Park) to Sacramento where they will meet with their Assemblymember (Judy Chu) and get a tour of the California Capitol. It's all in the hopes of inspiring this group of students to become political go-getters at their local high schools, not that they much need it. These students are already very excited about the political process and are great to work with, which makes today's events even more like a formulaic horror movie.

At mile 12 in Merced County on the I-5 running between Los Angeles and Sacramento the bus carrying these brave young future leaders lost its drive shaft and coasted to a halt in the middle of farm country in the San Joaquin Valley. That's right, they broke down in the middle of the Big Valley with no Heath to save them. All we could see for miles around were rolling hills, some orchards, and the wandering grazing cow. Stranded, but cellular capable our driver called for back up and we were notified it would be two hours before a replacement bus would arrive.

That's when we were attacked by a batwinged undead scarecrowesque demon. Luckily, I brought my full "DJ-CJ monster hunting kit" (registered trademark), jumped out the side door of the bus and did battle with this spawn of the pit. The battle lasted for hours and the students were in awe, not merely with my (patented) l33t monster fightin' skillz but also with the wide array of "tools" in the DJ-CJ monster hunting kit (registered trademark). In the end it was chemical solution x-2345jxr (patent pending) that dissolved enough of the beast's corporeal form that I could begin the arcane and difficult ritual required to return the beast to the pit. Sadly, the ritual required the still beating heart of a high school student. I hate it when I fight so hard to prevent casualties only to have to cause one of my own.

After three hours we were back on the road and in another two-hours arrived at our hotel in Sacramento.

Okay, to be honest there was no demon fighting, but the rest of the story is true.

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