Friday, September 09, 2005

This is Superman?

I agree with Jim Treacher.

From Newsweek's story on the new Superman movie:

Inside a soundstage in Sydney, Australia, Brandon Routh, as the Man of Steel, crawls across a black, wet wasteland, pursued by the evil Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey) and Luthor's three henchmen. One of the thugs grabs Superman by his hair and shoves his face into a dark puddle, holding the hero's head underwater as he struggles for air. Luthor strides up behind Superman, stabs him in the back with some sort of Kryptonite shiv and whispers a sentence so horrifying (and, for now, top secret) into his ear that Superman cries out in agony.
That sentence? "I just tested positive."

OK, I thought my post got everything backwards, so here's a rewrite. Of course, now I'm really tired so I just may make it worse.

First, this, combined with what I've heard about Lois having a child of uncertain origin and turning her back on Superman entirely, makes me think that this movie will be rather dark for Superman. I dunno: Superman is one hero who never really left the Silver Age, in my mind anyway.

Second, why are they drowning Superman? Uh, even in post-Crisis continuity, can't he still hold his breath a really, really long time? I guess he's Kryptonited, but still Superman basically getting a swirlie is kind of... off to me.

I mean, I got mad at Spiderman 2 for that. After what seemed like hours of agony, Spiderman swings into action... and gets taken out by Doc Ock. Kinda underwhelming.

And, I don't know if it was the article, the movie, or Treacher's comment, but something about this yells prison sex to me now. The whispering, the drowning, the screaming.

It's especially interesting given the Matthew Shepardization of Clark Kent in the early Smallville posters, I think.

What about it? Uh, I don't want Superman to suck. And, it had some unexpected subtexts, in my (odd) mind, anyway.

Maybe I'm just bitter about Loser Superman in Dark Knight Returns 2. Man, that Superman was lame.

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