Weekly Geekly Rundown for December 8th, 2023
A Mostly Seasonal Rundown.
Why Are Thieves So Bad at What They Do in Early D&D?
I’ll be writing a full post on this later, but for as long as I’ve been playing D&D I’ve wondered why low level thieves are so bad at picking locks. In Moldvay/Cook Basic D&D, a 1st level thief has only a 15% chance to pick a lock. That’s with thieves’ tools. They are just terrible at it. Why? Is it actually that hard to pick a lock? It would be for me, but what about for a real thief?
For the longest time, that was just a sentiment I had. Now though, I’m more certain than ever that if I run sessions of older versions of D&D I’m going to up the chance for low level thieves to open locks. Why?
Because I’ve watched videos by The Lockpicking Lawyer and they demonstrate three things:
1) He’s a very high level thief in D&D terms.
2) All Locks are pickable given time, skill, and equipment.
3) Most locks are actually pretty easy to pick and the tools to pick them have been around forever and are readily available.
Just check out this video. Any time he uses shims to open a lock, I groan at the 15% chance in earlier editions of D&D.
Comic Book Recommendation
I was going to write a review of the new “Sunday Morning Adventures” trade paperback collection based on the old Dungeons & Dragons cartoon, a personal favorite cartoon, but
beat me to it. His review is along the lines of what I’d have written, so I’m sharing his instead. In my opinion, if you liked the cartoon, check out the trade. However, Graziano covers it well enough so that you can make your own decision and that’s what makes it a great review.
Around the Substack Community
Graziano has also done a run down of the four Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Coloring Books that TSR did in partnership with Marvel Comics. Unlike the stand alone Advanced Dungeons & Dragons comic book published outside the Marvel partnership, these four books include the iconic D&D characters from the LJN toy line so we get to see the likes of Warduke, Strongheart, and more. I wish that more D&D books and merch would incorporate these characters. I also wish they’d do it without the “Perkins Snarky” touch. I have a lot of respect for Chris Perkins as a designer, but as is evidenced by his marketing of 4e, the use of THACO the Clown in the Witchlight adventure, and some of the One D&D marketing, he’s too snarky when it comes to things for which I have nostalgia.
I really like Graziano’s Rediscovered Realms, but he’s not alone as far as pop culture Substacks I follow.
‘s newsletter is a regular go to and I love it when it shows up in my inbox. This past week he wrote a review of the 1982 film Mazes and Monsters that highlights what the movie got right and what it got wrong about gaming. Mazes and Monsters is one of a Trilogy of Satanic Panic films that I need to do a marathon of some day, the others being Skullduggery and Cruel Doubt. Maybe Dave will agree to do an interview where we watch and discuss all three and compare them to reality. My own Satanic Panic library is pretty large and I love examinations of the phenomenon and what it got wrong. of wants to make sure that we all have a Merry B/Xmas and I couldn’t agree more.
Weekly Luke Y Thompson and Courtney Howard Film Article Cavalcade
View from the Luke-itania
Luke reviews the newest Ghibli Studio film The Boy and the Heron for AV Club and gives it a very positive review. Given Miyazaki’s track record, it isn’t surprising but it is nice to know that the team haven’t lost their touch.
Even though Luke’s review of the new Merry Little Batman film for SuperHeroHype helps me keep my promise to have December’s Friday newsletters keep a Christmas/Holiday theme, he makes it clear that Vine’s Bat-Dad shorts are still the king of the hill when it comes to Batman as father figure jokes. It’s not often that I see Luke give something less than one star and this is one of those cases. Ouch.
Luke didn’t want to see Wonka, but he is glad that he got the assignment and gives the new film a very positive review for SuperHeroHype. In it, he touches on a couple of the reasons I was hopeful for the film in the first place. Can you say…Paddington? It’s a matter of having heart.
I’m very glad that Luke had the opportunity to review Godzilla Minus One for SuperHeroHype. The film has been getting raves from everyone, but I wanted to see how it vibed with someone I often agree with. Looks like the raves are right. Can’t wait to see it.
Thoughts from Courtney-land
Courtney Howard reviews the new Timothee Chalamet film Wonka over at AV Club and gives it a big thumbs up while acknowledging that it does have some narrative frays on the edges. I’m eager to see the film and find where it lies on the scale of Gene Wilder’s perfection to the Johnny Depp abomination. Any Wonka tale needs to be weird and potentially scary, to be sure, but it also needs heart. Sounds like this one fits the bill.
Book Recommendation
It’s the Christmas Season, so it’s time to make a reading recommendation that is fitting with the season. Though I am one who considers Die Hard a Christmas film, I’m not one who does so to be edgy and takes place around Christmas. I do so because it follows the pattern of many a Christmas re-marriage film before it. It’s about a husband and wife getting to know each other and fall in love again. It’s It Happened on 5th Avenue with gun shots. What that means is that when I’m looking for Christmas reading, I love the classics but I also love things that are a twist on the classics.
This week’s recommendation is a tale of Saint Nicholas written by one of the greats of the Pulp Fiction era. No, it’s not Robert E. Howard or H.P. Lovecraft, it’s Seabury Quinn. Roads by Seabury Quinn was published in the January 1938 issue of Weird Tales magazine meaning it was likely on the newsstands during December of 1937. It wasn’t the cover story, that was The Witch’s Mark by Dorothy Quick, but it is probably the longest lived and best known story from that particular issue. It’s a reverent weird tale of the Yuletide and Crucifixion and that is something truly rare that like Die Hard combines violence with the season.
Music Recommendation
I know that bashing on Wham!’s Last Christmas is de rigueur and that we are all supposed to hate the song and moan when we go to Whamhalla after losing at Whamaggeddon. I know this and I don’t care. The song is fantastic. It’s not a traditional Christmas song. It’s not Silent Night or O Come, O Come, Emmanuel, but it isn’t Baby It’s Cold Outside either. Instead it’s a song about heartbreak and lessons learned and a reminder that this is the season of love and family.
I know. I’m an odd duck. I like the song. I also liked the movie, which was a heartwarming romantic comedy adaptation of the Bob Hoskins and Denzel Washington film Heart Condition, with a romantic comedy twist. That twist being that you need to love yourself, which I thought was a sweet message. On the nose? Yes. I don’t care. It’s saccharine sweet and that’s what I want this time of year.
Movie Recommendation
There are so many Christmas movies to choose from and I’ve already named two of my favorites, Die Hard and It Happened on 5th Avenue. I’ll be watching both of those as a part of my annual Christmas movie marathon. As I mentioned above, I think of Die Hard as a Christmas film and not for the edgy reasons. It’s about love saving the day and the folly of greed and so much more. It’s a better articulation of the Seven Sins than Se7en (all the sins are represented as characters) and is filled with many of the reasons for the season and you can compare it to the novel it is based on to see how the screenwriters took this from an action story that takes place at Christmas and turned it into a Christmas story.
But Bruce Willis is in another film about Christmas that is even better at fostering the message of the season. No, I’m not talking about The Kid, though I do like that one. The Tony Scott directed, Shane Black penned, film The Last Boy Scout is one of my favorite Christmas films. Like Die Hard it’s filled with action and like Die Hard is a choice for the edgy, but that’s not why I like it. I like it because it’s a remarriage film, there’s that phrase again, where a family is expanded and healed. Even more than that, the scene where Damon Wayans’ character talks about his son Alex.
”Jimmy Dix: Alex was my son, I used to be married, one Sunday away in Miami my wife couldn't come because she was eight months pregnant, she walking down La Brea boulevard, out of nowhere a pickup truck jumped the curb POW! she never knew what hit her she died, but Alex lived in a incubator for seventeen minutes, just enough time for one dream, then he died, I think about him all the time, I threw for three hundred yards that day while my wife and kid were dying, I played the game of my life, life sucks.”
It captures the pain of loss that so many feel during this time of year, even as it is highlighting a criticism of gambling in pro sports, and is a step on the path to Jimmy Dix becoming a part of Joe Hallenbeck’s family.
I’m pretty sure I have that DnD cartoon on DVD somewhere. I used to love King Arthur and the Knights of Justice.
Thank you so much for the mentions & kind words, Christian! Love your thoughts on D&D lockpicking, and that "Roads" story sounds really cool! 🔓 (Don't tell anyone, but that Wham song is one of my seasonal favorites - it also gets stuck in my head for weeks!)