Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Christian and Marriage

In the comments to my post regarding the Coulbert Report Dungeons and Dragons Online segment, I stated something along the lines of, "Tenser is actually a member of the Circle of Eight and not the Circle of Light so Stephen ought read that teleprompter a little more closely when pretending to have been a D&D geek." This, plus what I wrote in the actual post, prompted LYT to ask:

No offense, CJ, the hell did you ever get married?

seriously. i could use that knowledge.

The answer is pretty simple, I adore my wife much like J.C. Loophole does his. But I guess that only answers how I stay married, I am after all approaching my 9th Anniversary (May 18th) for those who wonder.

The answer to how I got enough women to date me to find my perfect match, well that's a little more complicated but still easily enough done.

First, I have had a secret identity. Prior to the internetowebosphere, I had no "public" forum where women could find out my dirty little geeky secrets.

Second, I am a nice guy who has a sense of humor. I tend to make women laugh. I am no Lewis Fein when it comes to comedy, but then who is?

Third, I listen. Maybe this is the most important trait. This may have developed as a subset of my secret identity. After all, if you want to hide your comic collecting, action figure owning, roleplaying game addiction, this is much easier when you spend most of the time listening. That doesn't mean I always listen to other people, I am after all quite chatty. But I certainly spent a lot of time listening to the women I dated. It helps you find common interests and things that might make people laugh. Be attentive of other's interests.

Fourth, I actually asked women to go out. As Charlie, on Two and a Half Men keeps trying to show his brother, volume matters. Sure you will be refused dates by hundreds of women, but you will have some great dates as well.

Fifth, gradually reveal your geekdom. It lets women think they are being shown the "real you" and adds an illusion of depth. Trust me, that requires a big illusion in my case. I am open about my geekdom and hobbies now, but I have been married for almost 9 years so it's easy.

Sixth, have women friends who have similar interests. My wife isn't a gamer, but she is a talented cartoonist who liked the comic timing of Keith Giffen's Justice League when I revealed my comic fandom to her. In fact, I read these to her in bed. If John Rogers, the Kung Fu Monkey, reads this I hope he passes it along that Mr. Giffen helped provide the foundation for a healthy marriage. If he asks, we modeled ourselves after Booster and Beetle not Ice and Guy.

Seventh, my secret identity was the real me, just minus the D&D and comics. So when women were given the real me it wasn't a betrayal.

Really my advice comes down to the following. Be kind, honest, caring, and brave. If you want you can be:

* Trustworthy,
* Loyal,
* Helpful,
* Friendly,
* Courteous,
* Kind,
* Obedient,
* Cheerful,
* Thrifty,
* Brave,
* Clean,
* and Reverent.

As an aside... When I was younger, and still today, my hobbies were just that...hobbies. In High School, I only played computer games and roleplaying games in the Summer. During the year, I had Baseball, Soccer, Wrestling, and Speech/Debate to do. I was never one of the "popular" kids, but I wasn't Duckie either. I was more like Ethan Embry in Can't Hardly Wait.

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